Why don’t women send first messages in online dating?

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In today’s world women have been successful in every domain of life, and it seems like they are passing every hurdle with flying colors. Women build business empires, win Nobel Prizes, save lives, start revolutions to create a new reality of freedom and rule countries. However, in online dating women still feel shy when approaching.

Why don't women send first messages in online dating?

In the last decade online dating has escalated consistently with technological advancements and digitalization. With the bombardment of multiple dating applications for so long, there is still a sense of taboo around women making the first move in communication. In online dating both women and men have a vested interest in communicating, but women are still in the minority when it comes to sending the first message on dating apps. According to the research of OkCupid, women tend to send three to four first online dating messages, while men, on the other hand, send nine to fifteen first messages on average, depending on their age.

Even if a woman encounters an attractive guy on a dating app, the thought of sending the first message hovers in her head a hundred times, but she still feels hesitant about making the first move. Women will spend hours with their female friends discussing that “more attractive they ever saw” guy, scrutinizing every bit of information about the man’s profile, and holding a discussion about what to text this guy first. Women will go through all the rounds of conversation, planning the perfect chat, but will still feel shy and reserved to make the first move. The girls usually wonder “Do guys like it when women text first? Is it okay if I text a guy first? Does it even matter who texts first?, remaining indecisive about writing and sending the first message.

3 main reasons for women’s shy behavior in online dating are:

  1. Social Conditioning

Society has projected women as shy, hesitant, and homely. The social conditioning since childhood makes women reticent about sending the initial message to a stranger, though times have changed. Yet to initiate contact many women prefer men to do the honors. Society as a whole is quite obstinate in this aspect. Nonetheless, the situation is improving. Some women  are slowly taking the lead in initiating the first conversation, being ready to honestly open up about their concerns and vulnerabilities with male counterparts and express themselves more openly.

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  1. Introverted Nature

Another reason for a woman’s hesitancy in initiating the first move in online dating might be the introverted nature. Women with an introverted personality find it difficult to start a conversation with others as they are withdrawn in their thoughts. Introverts tend to like people silently, in secrecy and find it tough to talk openly about their emotions. According to 16personalities research, only 27% of introverts say they actively seek new friendships, compared to 68% of extraverts. However, online dating and communication apps might be the best choice for introverts to implement social interactions into their lives.

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  1. Insecurities

Some women feel insecure about writing the first message on dating apps. They are hesitant about how the other person will perceive them if they initiate contact, dwelling in the fear of rejection and desire to please everyone. For some people it’s easier to think it wouldn’t have worked anyway than to be hurt by the other person. It’s hard to acknowledge that not all people like your personality. Most women turn anxious thinking about all these probable reasons, which are mere thoughts of their mind and far from the truth. Concerns about their online presence stop women from being their authentic self, showcasing the “perfect girl”, who’s more of a myth than a real human.

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Most women surround themselves with so many recurring thoughts and viewpoints of the first message, remaining inactive, fearing their fears. Women often ask themselves should a woman message a man first, or she should wait and let him make the first move.
On the contrary, male counterparts like women send their first messages on online dating apps. With changing times, the tables have turned with men preferring women who are open-minded, thoughtful, intelligent and bold.

Men like women approaching them first in online dating because they are:

  1. Flattered by Recognition

Contrasting men, fewer women make the first move in online dating communication on dating apps. So when a woman decides to make the first move, men are flattered by the recognition as mostly it’s only men who approach women first. Men feel good and valued by receiving messages and are mostly optimistic about future communication. 

  1. Find Courageous Women Attractive and Confident

Women sending their first message on dating apps for a chat is unusual and rare for men. Hence, when women make the first move in communication, men find brave women attractive and confident. Men find such women more trustworthy and reliable, genuinely interested in establishing the connection.

  1. Fearing Rejection Too

Fear of rejection or insecurity is there in both men and women. Though men mostly approach women, there is still a fear of rejection. In case when women send their first message on dating apps, men are more likely to believe them and find such women more authentic. First moves lessen the fear of rejection for both sides of the communication, and the counterparts are moving ahead, taking the relationship forward. Keeping fears of rejection and dismissal at bay also boosts the desire to be vulnerable and open in both people.

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Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

How to send the first message in online dating for women?

  1. Send out a Cheerful Salutation

To get results with online dating, the first texts to send a guy women should do after they have finalized a worthy profile is to send cheerful greetings calling the other person by their name. Calling the person by their name gives recognition and makes them feel valued. It’s also important to highlight the interest in a person by mentioning a companion’s interests and passions in one of the first messages.

  1. Establish Interconnection

After you have sent out a meaningful and unique salutation, it’s time to take forward the communication. It is always a good idea to find the interconnection getting started with the things that resonate well with both sides. Find the topics that spark interest in both people, it helps to open up and communicate better.

  1. Make Sure Your Values Are Matching

If everything was going perfectly well up till this point, get to the next stage – talk about the person’s values, goals and view on life. In the end, why wasting time on mamma’s boy or the guy spending 27 hours per day in his office? Choose you, your needs and wants. Don’t forget to mention them in a conversation. 

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So who should message first in online dating?

Ladies, go for it, if you like him! The proactive position is getting what you really want and need in life. 

And don’t shy away from dating apps. Following the right approach, online dating can serve as a boon to women looking for partners to spend a good time with. It’s high time for women to start initiating communication rather than waiting for men to write the first message on dating apps

With time online dating has been evolving, and more women are actively participating in finding their correct match. It’s the interested person who’s successful on dating apps, irrespective of their gender. So there must not be a taboo around a woman making the first move. In the current reality of online dating and the emergence of dating apps, women are free to take the first step to initiate communication in dating.

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