Why is it so hard to find a date on dating apps?

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Dating apps are getting more and more popular these days, though over 323 million people worldwide are using dating apps now. How come that with such a huge community of diverse people for most individuals dating is not a pleasure, where they get what they wish for, but a constant struggle, which doesn’t bring any positive results? 

Let’s see what is wrong with this situation:

  • Are you busy scrolling on dating apps now and then?
  • Tried making profiles on every new dating website?
  • Sending random desperate requests, but still has not successfully sealed a date?
  • Are you confused about online dating?
  • Trying hard but still not seeing results in finding the perfect match?
  • Sometimes feel exhausted by continuously searching for more matches?
  • Have you been ghosted multiple times in online dating?

Do you associate yourself with any of the above scenarios? It is okay if you have any positive answers, and you are not alone in it. Dating burnout is a real thing. With 2500 dating websites in the United States only, one tenth of single users quit after three months of dating burnout on average. You spend a considerable amount of time online on dating apps and websites, and still not getting results.

Here is the good news: you can always learn, get better and try once again. Ready? In this article we will try to figure out what may be wrong with your dating approach and how to overcome it.

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Why does dating seem so hard for both men and women?

Are you one among your friends asking why dating is so hard and finding it difficult to get successful with online dating? What can be the possible reasons? We will find out in the article and help you fix them accordingly to reduce your difficulties and concerns with dating.

Modern dating has been made accessible with online dating apps for those stuck on a busy schedule or the ones who couldn’t find time to go out because of recent pandemic restrictions. But still, people find difficulty in dating despite spending countless hours online, sending messages to prospective dates. What can we do to get past these possible scenarios and find potential matches?

First and foremost, let’s find out why you get no matches in online dating and the probable mistakes you might be making that reduce your chances to meet new dates.

7 common mistakes to avoid and get a positive response on dating apps and dating websites:

While registering for online dating, users tend to make mistakes with their dating profile which reduces their chances of finding success in search of a good match.

  1. Common picture mistakes

The very basic, yet supremely important is your profile photo. The first thing that catches the attention of every visitor is your profile photo. A unique, attractive-looking picture gets more attention and clicks than a profile with an unclear or random one. 

While scrolling through online dating apps and websites, whether a person decides or declines  to swipe right or left is a spilled second decision. Therefore, selecting the right photograph is crucial in finding “the one” you are looking for in your dating journey. 

The right picture is preferably the one with a good quality of you smiling, looking directly into the camera, so the person on the other side of the screen understands well the way you look. 

Avoid putting photographs that confuse viewers and delays their positive choice such as:

  • Your first display picture is a group photo which makes the visitor feel disoriented and confused while recognizing you.
  • Your display picture is not clearly showing your face, but focuses on other objects in the background.
  • You have not posted any photos of yours, but put up a random cat, flower, game character or whatever picture.
  1. Half baked profile 

While there is a rise in online dating with common digitalization, more people turn towards online dating. On dating apps and dating websites, one should make an effort to stand apart from the other people, showcasing their unique selves. Apart from your good profile picture, your profile’s got to also speak about you. Tell about unique qualities, hobbies and experiences of yours, share what makes you stand apart from the crowd.

In the virtual world of online dating, your profile is your identity. It tells the story about you to others without you saying a word. Half-baked profiles with wrong or too little information send away potential dates. If you put effort into completing your profile with authentic information and sharing genuine qualities of yourself, it will make you stand apart from the rest and immensely improve your chances of successful online dating, helping to find the perfect match you’re looking for.

  1. Username that makes no sense
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Another mistake that often disconnects you from your prospective date is using random cringeworthy usernames like koolboi88, fookboie99, etc. Along with the profile photo, the username is the first thing that gets you noticed. Using too complicated or senseless usernames with multiple numbers lags your online dating journey and doesn’t leave a good impression on others. If you are serious about your dating and looking forward to finding a date, using such a username is a complete no-no. 

Instead, a username should be such that it signifies your name clearly and concisely. For example, james_nyc, Daniel23, or TiaLipa.

  1. Sending generic first messages

The first message is crucial in getting you noticed and makes you stand apart from the crowd. Sending the same general first message to all with mass messaging will drastically reduce your chances of finding a date.

Framing the first message addressing the prospective date by their name, asking about their well-being, finding a common interest ground from their profile and associating with it to start the conversation helps build a reputation of attentive and easygoing person right from the beginning.

A good first message like the below instead of sending a random hii or hello goes a long way.

“Hey, Linda! It’s Daniel. How are you? I saw your pictures with the guitar and it seems like you are a music lover like me. Are you in a musical band and for how long are you playing the guitar?”


“Hi Catherine, I’m James. How are you doing? Saw your picture of trekking and running. You seem to be an outdoor person. I love sports and hiking too and it happens that I live in your area! What are your plans for the weekend? Let’s go for a jog, what do you say?”

A good framed first message is the one where you have acknowledged the other person and their interest. Asking an open-ended question has a higher probability of getting a reply and kicking off an engaging conversation too.

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  1. Trying multiple dating apps all at once

Not getting success in online dating, being frustrated and disappointed, you probably start switching from one platform to another. And this often leads to exhaustion in users and thus failure in finding a perfect match. Switching between multiple dating apps and dating websites will just take your time and money, not allowing you to focus on the real reason you are present on a dating app — to find your match. Let it flow and be patient.

  1. Hastile decisions

Another common mistake is making hastile decisions of swiping left or right without even looking through the person’s profile. This quick decision making negatively affects your online dating experience, limiting the chances of other users seeing your profile as algorithms may even treat you as a bot or spam. A better idea is to slow down a bit, take your time to go through profiles, understand preferences and interests of other people, and find common ground to take the conversation further.

  1. Unrealistic expectations

Another misunderstood thing by most people who come online to find a date is their whole set of unrealistic expectations. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by the number of choices on the dating platform, but setting bars too high and being unapproachable doesn’t bring you success. One should set realistic expectations and try to search for a suitable partner.

The mentioned mistakes may shut off the visitors of your profile and your prospective dates from getting further in the conversation, making dating experience so hard. 

Despite trying hard to initiate the conversation, spending countless hours on the dating apps and dating websites, sending requests to prospective partners, you still couldn’t go on a date with a prospective match and seeing no results. It is time to get exhausted and frustrated, right? No! It only means you didn’t take the required steps in dating and made some mistakes. Stay with us, and let’s see what to do when online dating doesn’t work.

What to do when online dating doesn’t work? 

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When you feel stagnated in your online dating journey, and it seems like it’s not working in your favor, take time to pause, rethink and learn from these 5 tips:

1) Focus on other life activities 

If you are not enjoying online dating for a while, but are still logging on to dating apps and websites every day, spend countless hours hoping that today might be your lucky day to come across your perfect match, or you will get into an exciting and fun-filled conversation, leave dating sites for some time. Stop all that jazz for a while and focus on different aspects of life that give you joy. It may be pursuing your long-lost hobbies, spending time with your family and close friends, or anything that rejuvenates you and refreshes your mind. When things are not going your desired way, pause, stop and rethink.

2) Practise your communication skills

Having good communication skills is an essential life skill that gets you noticed and successful with dating. Finding a mentor, a guide, or a friend who listens and understands you without any bias, helps you overcome the challenges and, in the end, develop your communication skills.

Another way to move away from your comfort zone and start anew is by utilizing the little chance you get to practice communication skills. For example, when standing idle in a grocery line, find the opportunity for a small talk with a stranger. Smile more often and be approachable to attract positive, easy-going people. It will help you learn the essential skill for developing and growing your established connections over time.

3) Choose one or two online dating platforms for yourself

Abruptly alternating between multiple online dating platforms with the goal of finding a date lands you nowhere. It just ends up wasting your time and effort. Getting success with your online dating is a combination of good strategy, patience, timing, and choices of an appropriate platform. Confusion combined with exhaustion will land you nowhere. So instead of being present all over the place out of your desperation, focus on a few sites and stay consistent with your effort.

4) Focus on real life

Trying too hard isn’t always a good way of approaching things. Instead, try focusing on real life and activities that bring you joy. Not finding success in the dating platform doesn’t mean you are not worthy enough. Spending quality time with your family and friends, focusing on the things that matter to you makes you a happier person and more interesting companion to chat with. It will further your positive approach to life and attract the same people as you.

5) Find alternative ways to meet people and go on dates

Tell your family, friends, and close relatives that you are interested in setting up a date. Go out and meet new people. In time you will learn to feel more open and less frustrated around strangers. Keeping yourself limited and stuck on online dating platforms may bring you frustration, exhaustion, and desperation. Look around and consider other options.

Online dating has many advantages, but it’s not the only way to meet your partner. Limiting yourself to the dating platform and beating yourself up for not getting the desired results is not the correct way to find a date for a long-term relationship. There are many other alternative ways. Taking a short break from the dating platform and coming back with an open mind, strategy and plan in place will help you fetch better and achieve your goal on a dating platform.

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6 best strategies to improve your chances of finding your match in online dating:

Online dating may sound effortless — sign up with a few taps here and there and meet thousands of prospective dates online. It may sound like the beginning of never ending romance, laughter, and joy. But in reality, it may not be as simple as it sounds. With so many choices in hand, more issues complicate the whole process. It further leads to disappointment and hopelessness in individuals. 

However, we have compiled a list of tips, tricks, and strategies to employ on the dating platform, sparing you from possible failures and disappointments. Here is your guide to enjoying the process of online dating and getting the desired outcomes.

  1. Identify the purpose of your online dating

Identifying your purpose may sound like an obvious step, but sometimes the wrong vision can turn down many great opportunities. Lots of people tend to get confused about the possible outcomes they really desire from the platform.

Ask yourself what’s that you are looking for from the platform? Define your purpose on dating apps and dating websites, answering to the following questions: 

  • Are you bored or feeling lonely?
  • Do you want to check your communication skills? 
  • Do you wish to check out the platform and entertain yourself? 
  • Are you looking for a partner in a long-term relationship? 
  • Are you looking for ways of socializing and igniting excitement in life?
  • What kind of guys you’d like to avoid in online dating?

Giving honest responses to these questions will save you from further frustration, anger, and hopelessness. This exercise is not for getting judgemental about yourself, but to make your motives clear and honest for yourself and others.

In this way, you will get better at finding a perfect match and lessen your difficulties in dating. Suppressing your true intentions on the platform will pile up the misunderstanding, confusion, and distraction. Hence it becomes essential to make it very clear from the very beginning to you and others what your purpose and goal is to be on the online dating platforms.

  1. Be your authentic self
man wearing grey shirt standing on elevated surface

Engulfed by the pressure of presenting yourself in the best possible way, you might fake things like age, photographs, etc., and pretend to be someone else. This behavior may also be caused by fear of rejection and not finding a date you wish for, but it won’t fetch you any good in the end. Once you are clear about your expectations from the online dating platform, you can communicate them honestly with others and improve your chances of finding the desired partner.

Being your authentic self helps you meet the right person without trying too hard. It also saves your time and gets the desired results with minimum effort. Sending the same common first messages without adding a touch of your personality and not recognizing the other person’s uniqueness does not help. If you are faking some parts of yourself during the online interactions on the dating apps and dating websites, there are high chances of spoiling your offline meeting badly, as you won’t fulfill the expectations of your mate. Assessing yourself and focusing on your unique qualities will help you stand apart from the rest and meet your date soon.

  1. Loosen up the criteria

Raising the bar too high for your prospective date partner may lessen your approachability on the platform. It also reduces your chances of finding the suitable matches on the dating platform. If you are experiencing that you are not finding anyone matching your standards even after trying hard, broaden your search criteria a little bit. For example, try relaxing age criteria or change your location selection to a wider one.

  1. Build your profile

The first thing any visitor notices about you is your profile photo which attracts attention even before reading your profile description and communicating with you. Whether you receive a reply to your message or not is partially dependent on whether your profile photo gets the attention. The first thing for building an impressive profile is setting up a clear, authentic photograph of you without trying to make yourself look perfect.

Along with setting up a profile photo, sharing some interesting information about your experiences and passions in the required fields helps you stand apart from the other contenders. Try to set up a bio that uniquely describes you, rather than copy paste similar ones. It projects you as someone serious and interested in finding a date on the platform.

  1. Communicate well with the First Message Strategy

Once you have built up a successful profile on the platform, your fifty percent work is over. And the rest fifty is how well you structure your first message, as it is the first interaction with your prospective date, and the most important one, as they are making the decision to reply or not. Framing a worthy first message fills the gap between finding a perfect date partner and searching for one. Thus, include in your first message the name of your person of choice, elaborate on their interests, showing your attention, and be friendly. Don’t rush into inviting a person to a date right from the first message — leave some time for you two to get to know each other. 

  1. Limit your timing

Some people can feel some sort of addiction to the platform and end up spending hours on the dating platform without any success. It is maddening. Badoo’s study revealed that an average millennial spends almost ten hours swiping on dating apps and websites in a week. That’s a significant amount of time. The average time needed to find a relationship on online dating platform varies differently for users as it depends on multiple qualitative factors, the exact amounts of which are difficult to count. To maintain the sanity on the dating platform and find the match of your interest, it is sometimes needed to restrict your usage timings on the dating apps and dating websites.

Along with timings, limit yourself to using one or a maximum of two platforms and don’t try to spread yourself all over the online space. It helps you efficiently find the dating partner you hope for.

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Modern dating is no doubt hard with overflowing information and multiple options. But when dealing with a correct and focus-oriented strategy, avoiding the pitfall of mistakes offers opportunities to find your partner faster and without stress. No matter what you are looking for from online dating, the right approach will help you achieve it. Showing your authentic self in real life on the dating platform saves you from wasted time and effort. Keeping the above things in mind, scrolling through the dating app will not waste your time, but will help you meet the perfect date.

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